Three Scary Moments

I've mentioned my involuntary trips to the mental wards of my local hospitals before. Indeed, it was one of the first posts I ever did. In that post, I discussed some of the cooler and unexpected things that I encountered there. What I didn't mention was that I encountered what was, up to that point, the scariest moment in my life. Then I managed to top that. Twice.

So without further ado, here are those moments.

1: Imprisonment

As part of getting put into the ward, I had to spend a bit of time in isolation. I was brought to a room with a lone bed that was bolted to the floor. As the door was closed and I was put into the room, I noticed that there was no doorknob on my side. I was simply locked in a room with the only way out being if someone let me out. If I was forgotten about, I'd simply rot.

I take pride on being a pretty independent and self-reliant person. I also greatly value my freedom. Having that stripped from me and being completely reliable on this... system got to me.

2: The Toll of Boredom

As I got settled into the routine of the ward, I started to feel like I had the lay of the land. I had some folks I was friendly with, was going to the various activities that were scheduled, and really just focusing on getting out as soon as I could. One of the few things I could really do was pace around the ward (the entire facility was in a kind of square). As part of that tour, there was a door that had been closed each time I had gone by. This day, however, it was open.

Apparently, I was wrong about the nature of the first room I had found myself in. That was just a room for new arrivals to be observed. This was the true isolation room. I didn't get a great look because the individual who was cleaning it was in the way. They were busy cleaning up an area where someone had taken their bodily fluids and painted something on the wall.

All that separated me from being in that position was time.

3: Realization

The third moment didn't happen until after I was out. While I was staying, I had been given a very large dose of lithium in the name of stabilization. Three times the recommended starting dose to be exact. But I had many other things that were on my mind so I didn't really think as to how I was affected by the cocktail I was given.

Then, after I got home, I started to feel a part of me come back as the meds wore off. A whole section of my being, simply forgotten. In that moment, I had something scare me more than either of the prior experiences: the fact that a part of me could be taken away without me even realizing.