Roasted
- 12 minutes ago
- 3 min read
I thoroughly enjoy a well done, creative insult, even if I am the victim in the transaction. Actually, make that especially if I am the victim in the transaction. Being able to laugh at yourself is an important skill to hone.
Pictured: Just because you have a book in your hands doesn't make you less of a NERD! You look like you take yourself so seriously that you use the word "whom" correctly and make sure everyone around you knows.
But, in today's environment, there are some shortcuts that people take when they "roast" others that are offensive, unnecessarily mean, and creatively lazy. I've actually run into one such individual who boasts about how amazing their "roasting skills" are (they call themselves "The Roastmaster General") but, when I actually heard them try, they just became super racist. I don't think I found a single of their insults funny, which is, presumably, what a comedian is going for. Heck, Michael Scotts's revenge roast was less offensive, more original, and far more funny.
Pictured: I'd have put up the original thing I disliked, but The Roastmaster General required us to put our phones in a locked pack to avoid... well, probably exactly this (getting called out for not actually being funny).
But fastforward to the other day when I was minding my own business traveling and I see this poster plastered up near Penn Station.
Pictured: Do I feel like blurring their number? Well, they paid to put this up and in a very prominent place. So this is free advertising! Don't be a jerk to them, please (except in the very specific way they quite literally asked for; that seems fair).
I am only human, so I just have to give this a try (plus I just talked a lot of game insulting someone who does this for a living). And don't worry, I fully plan on texting the individual to alert them to this post.
*clears throat*
You know, if I were going to go through all the trouble of making posters and plastering them in a high traffic area, I'd pick something a bit more interesting than the first selfie in my camera roll. Your life seems like it's so boring that you have to crowdsource anything spicier than going to happy hour after work. I think I've had farts that were more inriguing.
You have the smile of someone who thinks they're going to write a book and never does. And what are we even using as a background? Bedsheets? The sidewalk? I know you wanted to bring attention to your face and having anything remotely exciting may have pulled away from your inoffensive grin, but hospital blue and grey may have been overcorrecting.
Your attention to the finer points of grammar doesn't help you on the "there are definitely a good number of inanimate objects less boring than you" front. Seriously. I think a chat with someone about what kind of grit of sand is best used in a specific industrial application may be more interesting than meeting you. WHO PICKS A PERIOD FOR THIS? You could have left the phrase on its own or even added an exclamation point if you were feeling saucy. But you chose a period. I'll bet your dirty talk feels like a government communication.
Any last thoughts? Hmmm... You know, despite your clear efforts, you haven't given me all that much to work with. I wonder if this is how your employer feels.
